Drunk on Writer's Block, High on Crack
by Illusion911
Summary: What exactly happens when a psychopathic writer gains an insane plot bunny? Varia scarred for life? Tsuna enacts his epic revenge? The ULTIMATE marshmallow? Completely random and insane drabbles purely for the sake of humor. Enjoy. (Announcement! Please go to my profile!)
1. 1st Drink - Wine Solves Everything?

_Damn, I know I should be working on The Product of Experimentation, but I keep getting mental blocks and our finals have come up. This fic will be used as a little outlet for whenever I get __either _a writer's block, or an annoying plot bunny.

_I guess it will mostly be Humor, but I'm not sure if it's even funny. So if it is, please review and I will change the genre accordingly._

_I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn~_

* * *

1st Drink-Wine Solves Everything?

_Author's Room~_

"AGH..." Luke sughed audibly in the confines of the small room, head slumped in front of a small laptop. "What else should I write? I mean, I got the plot down, but...the execution..." The young fan fiction author let out a cry which would be akin to that of a little girl's. "What will I do to get some ideas out...AHA! I got it!"

"There's some wine downstairs in one of the cupboards! I'll drink some of it! That'll solve my problem! Wine solves EVERYTHING!" Please take note that the author of this is under aged and still in school.

_One hour and fifty-five bottles later~ _

"Urrrghhhhh..." Luke's speech had now become slurred, footsteps clumsy, and all that the now drunk teen was able to type down was a mess of letters.

_rhfbvalwefivrfrauiwvnszlgih_

"That...didn't help at all..." were the KHR fan's last words before collapsing on the bed, dead drunk.

* * *

_Screwed-up Dreamland~_

"How _dare _you defy me, Daemon!"

"Nufufu...I _truly _am sorry, _Primo, _but we're just not on the same terms here." Daemon's words spilled out like acid, and Giotto glared at his Mist Guardian disbelievingly.

What were they fighting about? What were they not on terms with?

No, it's not about making the Vongola a Mafia organization.

It was much, _much _more serious.

"How _dare _you not like tomatoes!"

Yea. As serious as happy magical jellyfish-unicorns living in the land of sunshine and other bulls**t.

"Nufu, that's because melons are _much _better."

"No they're not!"

"Yes they are!"

"No they're not!"

"Yes they are!"

"No they're not!"

"Yes they are!"

Meanwhile, Alaude was in the corner, contemplating about whether or not he should arrest the two for fighting about such a _trivial _matter and disrupting the peace.

Yup, he definitely _wasn't _thinking about how skylarks were WAY more awesome and commanding a flock of them to attack Primo and Daemon like the bad-ass skylark law-enforcer he was.

No siree.

"Tomatoes are WAY better Daemon!" Giotto said indignantly, holding up a bunch of the said fruit/vegetables.

"No, melons are WAY F$%^*^% better and AWESOMER than tomatoes!" Daemon replied, also holding up a few melons.

"That's not even a real word, dammit! '_Awesomer_'? What kind of half-assed grammar is that!?"

They then proceeded to throw an endless amount of the said foodstuffs they were holding at each other, seemingly pulling them out of Mallet Space.

Of course, all that Daemon was receiving on his end was a bunch of tomatoes that only made him look like he either bathed in blood or got sprayed by a skunk and had to bathe in tomato juice, which he pretty much was doing. Bathing in tomato juice.

But Giotto, the poor Don, was being hit by big-ass MELONS. And was being bathed in his own blood.

Great. Just great. He just got that suit dry-cleaned.

Did they even _have _dry-cleaning? I think not. So shut the hell up Primo.

Just then, a great cloud of..._pink _(Please note that the author of this has a deep hatred for pure pink-ness and is supposedly allergic to the very color)...appeared, and Tsuna, the _amazing _Decimo he is, popped out, a tuna in each hand, and stopped them from fighting.

**Moral Lesson of the Story**: Fighting for peace is like f$%^&** for virginity.

_Wao. I thought it was going to be something like 'Tuna solves everything'. _

**NOTICE! The moral of the story has been changed.**

**Moral Lesson of the Story**: TUNA SOLVES EVERYTHING.

_**WTF?!**_

* * *

_Somewhere else in Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

Squalo sat on his bed, in front of the screen of his laptop, wide-eyed and petrified. Yes, that's right, something was actually scary enough to petrify the Sword Emperor.

What is it?

Wait for the story to continue, dammit.

"Ushishi, stupid shark-commander, are you done using the laptop yet?" Belphegor walked into Squalo's room, signature grin on his face.

Squalo didn't respond.

"Ushishishi, oi, I said, are you done yet?"

No response.

A tick mark appeared on Bel's head. "Stupid commander. _Are. You. Done. Yet?! _" he said, mouthing each word slowly.

Once again, no response.

Instead of throwing his knives at the commander, Bel thought that maybe the stupid shark commander was looking at something interesting and decided to see for himself. He snatched the laptop from Squalo, who voiced no response. On the screen was the black screen of a video against the familiar white background of YouTube.

"Ushishi? Were you looking at porn?" Bel teased, "I never knew you had it in you, sharkie."

"Let's have a look, shall we?" Bel chuckled as he hit the replay button. The video played.

Silence.

Belphegor was _officially _scarred for life. He tossed the laptop back onto Squalo's bed.

"I...didn't need to see that..." he said before rushing out the room.

_Five hours later~ _

"Oi, trash, where's the shark-trash?"

"Squalo? I haven't seen him all day, boss," Levi replied. He caught sight of Belphegor.

"Oi, Belphegor!" Levi called out. Bel turned around, and...wait, where's his Chesire Cat grin?

"Hm?" What the- no '_ushishishi, peasant_'?

Something was definitely wrong with Belphegor.

"Have you seen Squalo anywhere?" Levi asked. Bel's mouth turned into something of a frown as he shuddered.

Wait, shuddered?

"He's...in his room..." Bel answered carefully, eyebrows knitted under his heavy bangs. Xanxus had decided that he would get Squalo and stormed to the commander's room.

He slammed open the door of the room. "Oi, shark-trash, why have you been in here all day?"

Squalo slowly, albeit reluctantly, turned his head to get a peek of the boss before he did something...awkward.

He screamed, no, not 'VOI', just flat out _screamed _and headed to the safety of his personal bathroom. Xanxus raised an eyebrow before he noticed the laptop on the bed.

_The trash was online? _He went over to the laptop and saw the black screen of the ended video. His curiosity getting the better of him, he clicked the replay button.

_Oh, F$%^ no. _

It was a XanxusXSqualo tribute, complete with a few doujinshi pages. And I'm not talking about the little hugs and kisses thing. It was the _hardcore _stuff. Hardcore yaoi, BL.

The first few pics were actually not very suggestive, but halfway through...

Xanxus ceremoniously fainted. On _Squalo's _bed.

Squalo peeked out to see if the coast was clear, but saw Xanxus on his bed and decided to just stay in his bathroom.

Maybe forever.

And so, for one entire year, Xanxus and Squalo didn't make any contact whatsoever with each other, Squalo has made the bathroom his little safe haven, and Bel decided to cleanse his mind of the images by means of looking for something that could get it off his mind. Unfortunately, he accidentally came across BelXFran, BelXMammon and other such videos and fics. They, too, were hardcore.

And so, he has given up on using the internet for all eternity.


	2. 2nd Drink - A Sponge Is In My Head?

_Here ye, here ye~_

_From hereon, I shall use first person when writing of my antics!_

_And for those who haven't, please read my other fic, _**The Product of Experimentation**_!_

_Enjoy~_

* * *

2nd Drink - Pineapples Live Under the Sea?

_Author's Room~ _

I watched the antics of the little yellow sponge on the telly as I giggled.

_Oh, hey watch out Spongebob- aaaand he falls into a pit. _

I was very much amused, but at the same time, irritated. I gazed at the blankness of my screen, wishing that I had the ability to copy-n-paste the idea directly from my brain.

_How in f %$ should I introduce Kyoya? Dafaq. I'm drawing a literal blank. _

And, in the hopes that something would come to me, I stared at the screen.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

...

...

...

"Time for some wine."

_Time skip: 1 hour and 250 bottles later~ _

It was eerily quiet, and the TV was off. A cricket could be heard from outside my window. Normally, when people hear a cricket, they think, 'Oh, the night is peaceful', or, 'It's very quiet'.

I, on the other hand, was thinking, _We have a cricket?! _

After a few seconds of this, I got annoyed, since wine enhances virtually all my senses, and I was dead drunk, so I grabbed my imitations of Xanxus' guns and aimed them at the said cricket on the tree just beside my window.

"DIE, POTATO!" I shouted.

And, I'm fairly sure it was my drunken imagination, but I could've sworn I saw a blast of Sky flames come out of the guns. All I know is that the next day, the tree mysteriously disappeared, there was a smoldering heap of ash right outside my window, and a bunch of crickets were having a funeral.

I then drunk the last drops of wine in the bottle before collapsing onto my bed.

"I'll bite you to death if you wake me up," I murmured to no one in particular.

I fell into unconsciousness.

* * *

_In the Kokuyou Land of Screwed-up Dreamland (this is its actual name)~ _

_Oh~ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?_

_Spongebob Squarepants! _

The next day, Mukuro got his head checked for anything that wasn't supposed to be there, developed a fear of sponges, and never watched Nickelodeon again.

* * *

"Get out of my way, pineapple herbivore."

Think. A pineapple is a fruit, which basically means it is a by-product of a plant. A herbivore is a plant eater.

Is Kyoya trying to imply that Mukuro eats himself?

* * *

_Somewhere in Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

"_Marshmallows are also made up of gelatin, which is made up of the collagen from animal by-products, such as bones." _

Byakuran stared at the TV, wide-eyed, the hand holding a marshmallow paused in mid-air. He had been watching a documentary about marshmallows, and was excited to learn more about his favorite kind of food.

Until this happened.

"MY LIFE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE ANYMORE!" he screamed dramatically in despair. He proceeded to have an epiphany breakdown before majestically fainting on the couch.

Unfortunately, he forgot to tell his parallel selves, for he informed them about the documentary.

Billions of Byakurans died inside.

* * *

"What are you doing, Byakuran-sama?" Kikyou asked. The man in question turned from his position in front of an ominous-looking black curtain and smiled.

"Why, I'm making the ultimate marshmallow~" This Byakuran was probably the only one who didn't see the marshmallow documentary, for he had something he had to take care of at the last minute.

Lucky bastard.

"The...ultimate marshmallow?" Kikyou asked.

"Why, yes~"

"May I see how you're doing so far, Byakuran-sama?" The Cloud Funeral Wreath asked innocently, head tilted a bit to the side.

"Of course!"

Byakuran dramatically pulled away the cloth to reveal an insanely large, white marshmallow, which seemed to come with a dramatic glow and its own angel choir tune. It was about as big as Kikyou himself! As Kikyou gaped, Byakuran broke off a piece of it and handed it to Kikyou.

"Will you please taste my creation?"

"O-Of course Byakuran-sama!" Kikyou said as he quickly recovered. He took the piece and put it in his mouth. After some chewing, he swallowed the fluffy treat.

"Hm? So, how's it taste?" Byakuran asked, a little hopeful.

"Mmmm," Kikyou thoughtfully said, "It tastes like-"

For the next month, Kikyou has spent his time s#%$ting on the toilet, cursing quietly in every single language he knew.

_I wonder what would've made him like that? _Byakuran pondered.

_Maybe I shouldn't have put in 1, 244, 246 bottles of laxative in it after all? _

* * *

"Get out of my way, pineapple herbivore."

"I DO NOT EAT MYSELF!"

* * *

_Varia Headquarters, Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

"Get me some more tequila," Xanxus growled. He was _still _fairly shaken up due to the little 'incident' with Squalo's laptop.

The servant obediently bowed, and headed out of the room. After a few minutes, a knock was heard at the door.

"Come in," Xanxus snarled. His eyes widened a fraction as he saw who stepped in.

Squalo. F***. Of _course_ it had to be Squalo.

_What is that shark-trash doing here? I thought he was on a mission. Wait. He never knocks. Why the f*** did he knock?! _

"Boss?" Squalo calmly said as he closed the door.

_The f***?! No 'VOIII'? _

"I need to ask you something." He locked the door.

_F***. _

"What is it?" Xanxus tried to keep his voice even as Squalo slowly walked towards his desk. He finally stopped directly in front of the desk, and whaddaya know?

He climbed over it and onto Xanxus' lap.

The Varia boss' mind was just flooding with curses.

Squalo tucked a few strands of his hair behind his ear as he smirked.

"Boss~?" Squalo began, albeit a little cutely, which shouldn't be possible. Xanxus was expecting the world to end at any moment now, and for demons to crawl out of Hell because it suddenly became freezing.

"Remember that video that was on my laptop that you saw about a month ago?" Xanxus was desperately trying to find his X Guns. He then realized that they were in his room. _F***ing s***. _

"It made me realize that I had these certain..._feelings _for you." He put his hands on each of Xanxus' shoulders, as the said man shuddered. He leaned in close, then whispered into Xanxus' ear.

"So do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?"

Massive amounts of blood spurting out of his nose due to the unexpected mind f***, Xanxus fainted on his chair, then and there. 'Squalo' then disappeared into mist.

* * *

_Vongola Headquarters in Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

"Here you go, Mammon. A million euros," Tsuna said as he handed the check to Mammon. After checking for its authenticity, the Mist Arcobaleno kept it somewhere in his coat.

"Kufufu," Mukuro snickered, "I didn't think you'd actually go as far as to ask both me and the Mist Arcobaleno to do this favor of yours, Tsunayoshi. Kufufu, to think, you had this dark side."

Tsuna merely smiled. "You may leave my office now," he said. Both illusionists disappeared into mist. After making sure that he was alone, Tsuna let out a loud, evil laugh that could be heard throughout the mansion, earning a shudder from all its inhabitants. They all knew that meant Tsuna had just taken his revenge, and the gods know how ugly it gets.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tsuna laughed. "This is what happens when you make me have to deal with all this paperwork relating to damages done by _your _group! Taste my epic revenge, BITCH!"

* * *

_Mmm. And that's all for now!_

_I hope you enjoyed~!_


	3. 3rd Drink - I Spoof You Not!

_Mmm, as you may have noticed, the previous chapter said 'A Sponge Is In My Head?' in the little chapter box thing, while in the fic itself, the title of the chapter was 'Pineapples Live Under the Sea?'. That's because the latter name was apparently too long, so I decided just to change it for the chapter box thing._

_Enjoy~ _

* * *

3rd Drink - I Spoof You Not!

_Author's Room~ _

I had decided to re-read my fic, **The Product of Experimentation **to get some ideas for it. I didn't realize how short I really had made it until I did. Due to its relative shortness, I was able to finish reading it rather early.

But no ideas came to mind.

"Back to the wine cabinet."

* * *

_Sa Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

"Do you understand this question?"

No response.

"Do you know how to answer it?"

No response.

"Are you going to answer me?"

"Did you see that eagle eat that snake?"

Tsuna stared at the man who had abruptly eaten his precious cake. He goes for a walk for about ten, maybe fifteen minutes, and when he comes back, there's this guy with a dangerous aura about him with frosting all over his mouth.

_Yeah. Right. You thought it was your cake._

Reborn gave a defiant look. "I'm not going anywhere until you do better in school."

In response, Tsuna slumped back on his bed and moaned to the heavens. "Just kill me now and get a ride from a narwhal..."

Reborn, hearing the statement, cocked a brow. "Kill you know? Are you really that uninterested in using a lightsaber?"

"I LIKE PIE." Tsuna lazily lifted a fist towards the sky. "Tis' an opinion that must be justified! Unfortunately, the department which is responsible for considering justice and the welfare of the people tends to become corrupted by the men who lust for such luxuries and are willing to tell blatant lies to get what they want. What were they dubbed again? Penguins?" He put his finger on his chin with an expression of mock thoughtfulness.

"Quite a vocabulary for someone with your reputation," Reborn said with a curious smile.

Tsuna realized what he had just said, mentally swore, and face palmed.

_I'm a rainbow sorcerer. _

"Right." Reborn shifted his position on the chair beside Tsuna's bed. "Know how to do this question?"

"I know you have a gun. Just cut the damn act and kill me already."

Reborn just chuckled. "Just because I have a _gun _doesn't mean I'm dangerous."

"The words 'gun' and 'dangerous' fit very well in a sentence together. Put the words 'doesn't', 'mean', and 'I'm' in between and it becomes utter nonsense," Tsuna said rather pointedly as he fiddled with his violin.

Reborn shrugged. "Perhaps."

"Who sent you? A polar bear." Tsuna continued in a rather bored tone. The gods know how much he hates polar bears.

"Why should I tell you?" Reborn countered.

"I'm pretty sure there's a reason." Tsuna shrugged. "I'm also pretty sure you know that I must have a right to know."

Reborn rubbed the back of his neck, deep in thought. "I was sent to train you. By someone who came before you."

"Before me in...?"

Reborn just stared at Tsuna somberly before he got what Reborn meant.

And so, Tsuna jumped out of a window, summoned a giant chimera which s***s rainbows and escaped to a happy land full of rainbows.

* * *

*stares*

"I'm not drunk enough to tolerate this."

* * *

_Vongola Mansion in Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

Tsuna peered at the mess-of-a-man in front of him, trying not to burst into another fit of evil laughter.

Before him was a shocked, bedraggled, and traumatized Xanxus. His hair was sticking out at all different angles, fear and trauma were evident in his now dull, crimson eyes. Not to mention he was hugging a pillow for comfort whilst rocking back and forth upon the couch he had taken refuge upon. He chanted curse words softly, in the hopes they would make everything go back to normal.

Tsuna inwardly smirked like the evil revenge-seeking bastard he is. _My plan worked beautifully~ _he thought sadistically. He's been around Reborn and paperwork for far too long to _not_ go mad.

"So, Xanxus," Tsuna said, still trying to stifle his laughter (and doing pretty damn well at it) "Mind telling me why you decided to come here?" Tsuna found Xanxus lying down on his couch, shivering, when he went in his office that morning. So far, all Xanxus had been doing was wallowing in self-pity.

Xanxus didn't respond, and Tsuna just _knew _he was going to have a good day. Thanks to his amazing revenge, his paperwork had been halved, and Tsuna had more time to enjoy himself.

_Now all I have to do is take care of that shark-commander~ _

"Though I may not know what is bothering you Xanxus, I think I have an idea about how to make you feel better." Tsuna smiled, 'I'm going to f***ing scar you for all eternity' written all over his face.

Xanxus looked up a little seeming a little hopeful.

"I'm going to send you somewhere, and you can do whatever you wish!" Tsuna exclaimed. "Destroy things, kill off a bunch of people, I'm _sure_ it will help you~"

You just know this isn't going to end with Xanxus feeling better.

"There are just two conditions," Tsuna continued. "One, I choose the location. Two, I choose your partner for the mission. You may do whatever you wish to him as well~"

Xanxus seemed a little better, chibi tears threatening to show. But the bad-ass Xanxus within him was helping to hold it back.

"R-Really?"

"Of course!" Tsuna smiled. "We _are _family." He gave a toothy grin, which, no matter how you looked at it, didn't seem the least bit lenient.

Suddenly, Squalo burst in, sword in hand, as per usual. His clothes, however, were a different story altogether.

He was wearing a thin, white shirt which hugged his body quite nicely, but was also quite loose. He had blue jeans, which also seemed loose. Surprise, surprise, there wasn't a belt. His long hair was tied up into a high ponytail, and he seemed more...ready to rape? I'm running out of words to describe him.

"VOIIIIII! VONGOLA! WHY THE FU-" Squalo's eyes met with Xanxus' and silence reigned.

"Ah, good, you're here. Since you both have a thirst for destruction, and you both seemed to be down, I thought it would be absolutely _perfect _to pair you up in a mission wherein you could do _whatever. You. Wanted. _" Tsuna mouthed the last words slowly, and suggestively.

Take note, everyone. This man is an evil genius. Do _not_ piss him off, or make it so that he has a lot of paperwork on hand.

Upon comprehending what the Vongola boss meant, Squalo summoned Alo to get the f*** out of there as soon as possible, and Xanxus ran out the window, probably to go live in some forest.

Tsuna smirked and turned his head towards the corner. Out from the darkness of it emerged Rokudo Mukuro and Hibari Kyoya in all their f***ing glory. And, from thin air, Reborn appeared as well. Tsuna's grin became wider.

"You lost. That means you have to refrain from doing too much damage to my estate or on missions for a month unless you want all of my paperwork dumped on your desks," he said to his two Guardians. The said Guardians grumbled before going out of the office to find something to do that _didn't _involve trying to skin each other alive. Tsuna turned to Reborn with a smirk.

"And you have to manage all the bills and reports I receive for the next month."

"Fine," Reborn said.

Tsuna was loving this. This meant that all that was left of his paperwork were from ally families. Which meant he cut down his already halved paperwork by 80%.

The Vongola boss laughed evilly. He was enjoying this _way _too much.

"I'm proud of you, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn said, smirk on his features, happy that his once pathetic student was becoming a strong (and sadistic) boss. Tsuna in turn, smirked back at him.

"You're next, _Reborn_."

Reborn _immediately _high-tailed it out of the office, leaving a maniacally laughing Tsuna to plan out his revenge for his former Spartan tutor.

_How sweet~ _


	4. 4th Drink - Drugs Are Bad?

4th Drink - Drugs are Bad?

_Author's Room~_

I drummed my fingers on the table softly as I listened to some songs by Thousand Foot Crutch.

Yes, _another _writer's block.

*sigh*

And you know what that means, right?

...

Back to the wine cabinet?

F*** NO.

I ran out of wine last chapter, and I'm waiting for the new shipment to arrive. So the craziness that you're about to read is the s*** I dream about when I'm sober.

I fell asleep trying to think of more ideas.

* * *

_Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

I stared at the small pouch of powder in my hand. I looked around me, and found myself in the Vongola mansion. Apparently, this dream made me a part of Vongola in some way. I realized that I was wearing a nice, expensive Italian suit, a white dress shirt underneath. I looked down at my hands to see the three rings of my choosing adorning my fingers.

_F*** yeah! _

I decidedly took a peek inside the bag, and found a white, powdery substance in it.

_What in blazes is this? _

Suddenly, an egg with a machine gun appeared and said, "That, my friend, is sleeping powder." He then kicked open a door (how the hell is that possible?! He doesn't have legs!) and screamed, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!" before pulling out a smaller egg who let out a war cry before they ran inside. I blinked, once, twice, thrice.

And then came the evil grin.

_I have a great idea...hehehehe...By the time I'm finished, even Reborn's sadism will seem mediocre! _

* * *

I opened a large mahogany leading to Tsuna's office. "Neo Primo?" I called out.

Tsuna, who was now ten years older, looked up from his paperwork and smiled at me.

I kind of felt bad for what I was about to do to him.

But then again, I didn't.

I held out a mug of coffee and offered a smile. "I brought coffee, Neo Primo," Tsuna smiled as I walked over to his table and offered it to him.

"Thanks, Illusion," he said with a smile as he took the mug from my hands. "And, please, call me Tsuna." My smile slowly become evil as he downed all the coffee. "In that case, just call me Luke." He drank the last drops of the coffee, and my evil smile had become a sadistic grin.

"Or, would you prefer Sadism Incarnate?"

He doubled over, loosening his hold on the coffee mug. I deftly caught it just before it hit the floor. Tsuna stared at me, wide-eyed.

"What...did you...?" he tried to manage. I continued grinning, and leaned in close to his face.

"I'll be using you for my entertainment, if you don't mind," I whispered.

Tsuna collapsed on his table, out cold. I snickered mischievously.

"Phase 1: Complete. Time for Phase 2..."

* * *

"WHAT?!" Gokudera gasped. The other Guardians immediately gathered in the garden where I had decided to confront the Storm Guardian once they heard him shout. I had a somber expression on my face, and I mentally praised myself for my excellent acting skills.

"It's like I said," I repeated to them all, "I found Neo Primo unconscious in his office. No matter what, he won't wake up. I fear the worst..."

Yamamoto grabbed my arm. "Let's get going, then." In a flash, we were in front of the doors to the office.

Mafia? More like ninja.

They busted open the doors, and I could swear I heard the hinges crack.

"JUUDAIME/TSUNA/SAWADA/TSUNAYOSHI/BOSS/VONGOLA!" they said simultaneously as they opened the door. True to my word (and my doings), Tsuna was unconscious, slumped over his desk, which, surprisingly was clear of paperwork.

Actually, I burned them, but he'll thank me later.

He will.

Gokudera immediately rushed over and checked his precious Juudaime's pulse. He let out a sigh of relief upon feeling it.

"He's still alive," he stated. He heard the young Don snore softly, and then his expression changed into full relief. "He must be asleep, tired from signing all his paperwork. That might explain why his desk is clean." I mentally snickered, sure that Gokudera would come to such a conclusion.

Now the fun begins.

Gokudera started shaking Tsuna by the shoulders. "Juudaime? Juudaime! Wake up, Juudaime!" But Tsuna just wouldn't wake up. He continued repeating his words, all the while his shaking becoming more and more vigorous by each passing minute.

_It's hopeless, _I mentally taunted.

Gokudera eventually gave up on his routine. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and it was none other than Yamamoto.

"Maybe we should try pouring some cold water on him," he suggested. Gokudera contemplated about it for a few minutes before he nodded. Yamamoto lit his ring, and opened his Vongola box, releasing his Rondine di Pioggia.

"Kojiro, create a downpour on Tsuna's head." Did he know how weird that sounded?

The swallow proceeded to use its Rain flames to create some water, enough to soak Tsuna completely. Still, he wouldn't wake up. Now, his desk and carpet were wet, and so was their beloved Mafia boss. Yamamoto frowned, seeing as his plan didn't work.

"Let me extremely try!" Ryohei asked. The others agreed. Tsuna was known to be easily woken up by loud noises, and Ryohei just defines loud. Ryohei took a few steps forward, and took a deep breath. Everyone covered their ears.

"SAWADA! IT'S **EXTREMELY **TIME TO WAKE UP, TO THE **EXTREME**! **EXTREMELY **WAKE UP NOW! CAN YOU **EXTREMELY **HEAR ME?!"

Nothing. Tsuna didn't even stir.

Well, aside from that, a lot of other things happened. The windows shattered, the birds within a fifty-mile radius flew off, the doors fell off their hinges, and some poor soul who happened to be passing by immediately went deaf. The vibrations of his voice caused Tsuna's body to fall off his chair and hit the floor, considering the shouts were loud enough to cause vibrations that would rate a 2 on the Richter Scale.

The Guardians let go of their precious ears, though they still winced at the volume when the Sun Guardian was shouting. "...Nothing," I said quietly.

This time, Lambo stepped up. "Let me try something." He held up his hand, which held his Lightning ring. Sparks started coming off of it, and he went over to Tsuna's unconscious body.

He rubbed both hands together, and the sparks became larger. "CLEAR!" He pressed his hands against Tsuna's chest, and the shock traveled though his body, singeing his hair and clothes. Lambo did this a few more times before Gokudera pulled him away. "I think that's enough," he stated.

Tsuna was twitching, but he wasn't yet awake. I refrained from bursting into laughter.

This time, Chrome stepped forward. "I...I'd like to try something," she timidly said. I nodded, and she came forth. I started wracking my brain for what Chrome could possibly do.

She pulled out a sock, which looked like it was emitting purple fumes.

_Good job, Chrome! _

"What...is that?" Gokudera questioned.

"It's one of Ken's socks, which was dipped into Miss Bianchi's Poison Cooking," she quietly replied. The stench started spreading throughout the room, and the Guardians started gagging, while Gokudera had already barfed.

_Five stars, Chrome. Five stars. _

She dangled the sock dangerously close to Tsuna's nose. "Bossu should wake up from the horrible smell..."

But, of course, he didn't.

Chrome noticed this, and I wondered if she was going to try anything else. _This is getting boring...and repulsive... _

It was then that she shoved the sock into Tsuna's mouth.

Silence. Silence and gaping.

_...You're officially the most awesome person in this world. _

The upper part of her face was shadowed, but one could see a dangerous glint in her eye. She continued shoving it down his throat.

"Please wake up, Bossu..." Despite the innocent tone, she looked absolutely psychotic. Her face became normal once again when she felt Mukuro pull her away from Tsuna.

"Kufufu, I think that's enough, my dear Chrome," he said with a frightened look on his face. He never thought his precious Nagi would go _that _far...

Chrome merely nodded, and kept the horrid sock. Mukuro turned to Tsuna.

"Kufufu, my turn." Immediately, Gokudera and Yamamoto were in front of Tsuna's body. Mukuro sighed, knowing what they were thinking.

"I won't possess him. In Tsunayoshi's state of perpetual unconsciousness, it's possible that if I try to possess him, I'll be locked into a similar state. I'd rather not take the chance," he declared. The two Guardians became convinced, and parted for Mukuro to pass through.

He lifted his trident up, and then...

...he shoved _that _down Tsuna's throat. Pointy-side up, of course.

He started the motion of pulling it up and down vigorously. Gokudera, after recovering from shock, shouted at the illusionist.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU MIST BASTARD?!" Mukuro looked back at them, his eyes dancing in mirth.

"Kufu, I just thought that if I simulated a blow job, Tsunayoshi would wake up~!" He said this while he continued shoving his trident up and down Tsuna's throat, much like one would churn butter.

"YOU PERVERTED PINEAPPLE PEDOPHILE PRICK! GET AWAY FROM JUUDAIME!" Gokudera screamed.

"...m..."

They heard Tsuna mumble, and they started thinking that it was working.

_Pft. Yeah, right. It's just an involuntary response. _

"...Shove it in harder," Gokudera declared. Mukuro happily complied, and they could see Tsuna's hands start to ball up into fists.

"It's working!" Yamamoto exclaimed. They saw Tsuna's eyes tighten, and they thought they were on the verge of waking him up.

"...uhn...Ughn...!" Tsuna let out an orgasmic moan, and everyone stopped in their tracks. I mentally snickered once again, wondering what they would do.

"...Shove it in harder."

I nearly choked on air at Yamamoto's statement. Did I die and go into comedy heaven?

Oh, wait, no, it was my dream. Right.

I decided to make them stop, lest Tsuna loses all sensation in his mouth and throat. "Stop it. Maybe we should try something else..." I purposely trailed off, and Mukuro pulled his trident out of Tsuna's mouth.

This time, Hibari took a step forward. I nodded towards the others to leave him alone. I expected him to pull out his tonfas, but something else happened entirely.

He kicked Tsuna right between his legs. Hard.

He continued to do this process, each kick stronger than the last, eventually he pulled out his tonfas and started biting the unconscious Tsuna to death.

Eventually, he started laughing like a maniac, so we pulled him away before Tsuna could look any bloodier. I made a tired sigh escape my lips. "This is like trying to wake up Sleeping Beauty..."

Everyone looked at each other like they just struck gold. Of _course _they'd come to that crack-pot solution. They're f***ed-up like that.

And so, they spent the next thirty minutes fighting about who should get Tsuna's first kiss. Eventually, while the rest were still fighting, Hibari gave it a go. Nothing happened, so this was followed by Gokudera, then Yamamoto, then Mukuro (who kept on doing it until we pulled him away), then Lambo, then Chrome, then Ryohei.

Of course, nothing happened. I was mentally laughing my ass off at this point.

Gokudera frowned. "Nothing happened." Of course nothing happened. To be awakened by a kiss? Seriously?

I bit down on my index finger, pretending to be anxious. "It didn't work, huh?" I said quietly. "Maybe it should be the way it was originally done...?"

Yamamoto shot me a confused look. "Originally done?"

I nodded. "Originally, the princess didn't wake up due to a kiss. Disney just revised it so that it would be kid-friendly and more romantic. What actually happened was that the princess was raped in her sleep, and woke up due to childbirth." Everyone looked at each other again, they same way they did before.

Really? That gullible?

"Pull his pants down."

After they did so, they started arguing about who should take Tsuna's virginity. While they did this, I crept over to Tsuna, bent over, and whispered into his ear.

"Awaken, Neo Vongola Primo."

Slowly, he began to stir. He sat up and i left the room just before then. I watched the rest of the events on a computer monitor. I had a full-blown evil/sadistic Chesire Cat grin, which could rival Mukuro's, Byakuran's and Belphegor's all combined times the number of times you'll ever breathe.

Tsuna gazed at his surroundings, and his current state, and the Guardians suddenly realized what they had done.

They damaged property.

Which meant more repair work.

Which meant more paperwork.

Which meant an angry Tsuna.

The Mafia boss' eyes narrowed into a deadly glare set upon his Guardians, irises blazing orange. Pure amounts of killing intent were rolling off of him, and I could actually see it on the monitor.

"_Now," _his voice was low, and definitely dangerous. "_Why is the carpet wet, the windows shattered, the door off its hinges, my mouth full of a **disgusting **taste, my hair and clothes singed, my body beaten and bruised, and **my pants down?!**"_

Everyone cringed, and had dread written on their face. They couldn't even say anything; they were gaping like fish out of water.

More like _fried _fish in a few minutes.

A Sky flame erupted on Tsuna's head, and his Guardians immediately made a run for the hills. Tsuna made chase, and I was laughing like an evil genius.

Which I am.

Slowly, my laughs died down into snickers. After I was sure they wouldn't come back for a while, I pressed the button which would stop recording the events that were taking place in that room.

That's right. I recorded the entire incident, except for the scene when I drugged Tsuna.

I saved the video, then went onto YouTube.

I burst into an evil fit of laughter once again.

* * *

"Die, pineapple!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

*splat*

* * *

_And that's all for now, minna! I hope you enjoyed!_

_By the way, in the previous chapter, the first part was a spoof of one of the chapters of **The Product of Experimentation.**__I was originally going to spoof it all, but I lost interest halfway._

_Thanks for Reading~_


	5. 5th Drink - I Gotta Catch 'Em All?

_Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, nor do I own Pokemon or Pirates of the Caribbean. I do own my insanity, however._

* * *

5th Drink - I Gotta Catch 'Em All?

"Cheh!" I muttered under my breath. "I'll bring you to the brink of death, son of a bitch. After that, I'll take possession of your pitiful vessel and use it to fight my battles, forcing you to follow my half-assed strategies which are mostly offensive. I will then force you to fight with others of your kind, and kill them as well for my own purposes. I will also use you to kill off those of your kind who have been captured by those such as myself, only of a lower status. For I have defeated the best of this world, and there's no one to stop me. It's hopeless, so give up."

_Luke threw an ultraball! _

...

...

...

_Shoot! So close! _

"MOTHER FU-!" I threw the Gameboy towards my bed in exasperation. "WHY WON'T YOU GET IN THE FREAKING BALL, YOU STUPID REGICE!?" I started to grumble vulgarities, frustrated that the stupid Pokemon wouldn't get in the ball.

That's right. I was playing Pokemon Emerald when I was supposed to be updating.

...Why are you looking at me like that?

"Haah...That was my last ultraball...All I have left are normal pokeballs..." I settled onto my bed and deftly picked up the Gameboy. I growled the slightest bit, knowing that I'll just have to try my luck with the remaining pokeballs.

_Luke threw a pokeball!_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Gotcha! Regice was caught!_

_"__**SON OF A-**__"_

* * *

_The Event Room in Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

"Ara? Why are we here?" Tsuna asked Reborn, who was in his adult form. He was currently gathered in a wide, spacious white room together with his Guardians, comrades and the Varia.

"We were summoned here by the author," he simply replied. "Illusion-san wants you to do something humiliating, and I get to watch."

"Juudaime shouldn't be summoned by some terrible author just for the sake of entertainment!" Gokudera declared.

"VOIIIII! WE CAN'T BE FORCED TO DO SOMETHING BY SOME SHUT-IN LONER WITH NO LIFE!" Squalo screamed angrily as he waved his sword around.

Just then, two blocks of concrete dropped onto their heads, knocking them down onto the floor, and giving them a huge concussion.

**"Ah, I'd rather you don't insult me." **From above dropped a person, who landed elegantly in the middle of the room. The person had unruly midnight hair and equally dark eyes.

Obviously, it was me.

I was wearing a black turtleneck sweater with a sienna jacket over it, and white pants paired with black boots. Due to my terrible eyesight, I also wore my red-framed glasses. I looked up at all of them and smiled.

**"Welcome, everyone, to The Event Room!" **

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU BASTARD?!" Squalo and Gokudera screamed simultaneously. Completely ignoring them, I continued.

**"Well, I'm not one to keep to the spotlight, so I'll make this quick. Today..." **A wave of my hand, and Nintendo DSes appeared in everyone's hands.

**"...We'll be playing Pokemon Diamond!" **The room then filled with comfortable couches and footrests in individual sections, and one wall held a large screen. After a few seconds, the previously black screen burst to life, revealing a match-up tree, the bottom branches showing which match-ups will be taking place for the first round.

Everyone stared at me like I was some mad man.

Which, I technically was. Only, they forgot to put in 'psychopathic'.

"...What..."

"...the..."

"...F^&*..."

Smile never leaving my face, I continued.

**"You all will be fighting each other one-on-one in the Wireless Colosseum, three Pokemon each. The first round will have the match-ups as follows."**

**"Sasagawa Ryohei VERSUS Leviathan!"**

**"Dino Cavallone VERSUS Hibari Kyoya!"**

**"Gokudera Hayato VERSUS Superbi Squalo!"**

**"Yamamoto Takeshi VERSUS Xanxus!"**

**"Rokudo Mukuro VERSUS Lussuria!"**

**"Dokuro Chrome VERSUS Belphegor!"**

**"Sawada Tsunayoshi VERSUS Fran!"**

**"Please head to a section and commence your battle! If you've played Pokemon before, your Pokemon will be what you'll use. If you haven't, randomly selected Pokemon will be distributed to you. Their levels will also be randomly decided. But before we start, any questions?" **Gokudera and Squalo were immediately up in my face. That was expected. Surprisingly, however, Dino was also in front of me.

"VOIIII! WHY THE F^&* WOULD WE WANT TO DO THIS S^*&!?"

"THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO BENEFIT FOR ANY OF US!"

"WHY DID YOU PIT ME AGAINST HIBARI?! AND WHY ISN'T LAMBO HERE?!"

Three blocks of concrete landed straight on their heads, effectively shutting them up. I coughed into my hand.

**"First of all, because I want you to. Simple as that," **I said, addressing Squalo, who was now twitching on the floor. I looked at Dino. **"Second, it's called fan service. Plus, Lambo will most likely destroy the DS not knowing how it works. Third," **This time, I faced the audience.

**"There IS a prize for the winner." **Everyone leaned in closer to hear my statement. Purposely stepping on the bodies of the three men on the ground, I walked forward.

**"As you all know, I'm the author, and therefore I have the ability to create amazing fantasies which may or may not entertain a person, based on their points of view."** I let out a sadistic grin.

**"The winner will get to do whatever they wish to the others in the following chapter. That includes, but is not limited to, slavery, murder, resurrection, torture, perversion, rape, slander, abuse, thievery, use of comical notations, arson, strange theatrics, musical performances, and homosexual pairings between your desired couple."**

Silence.

**"In other words, you can borrow my laptop, and do whatever you wish to everyone else, may it be for others, or for self-benefit." **I adjusted my glasses, and smirked evilly. Based on their expressions, I already knew what they were thinking about the prize. Specifically, what they wanted to do if they won.

Ryohei was going to make everyone join his boxing club and 'EXTREMELY' fight with him.

Dino was going to have a nice outing with Tsuna and the others. And probably force Hibari to loosen up.

Gokudera was going to win for Tsuna, and make everyone respect him, and turn them into ass-kissers. Typical.

Yamamoto was going to make everyone play baseball with him. If he does win, I hope he includes an ambulance in there.

Chrome was thinking about having some bonding time with Tsuna, the Kokuyo members, and the others.

Mukuro...

...OH, WHAT THE F*** IS HE THINKING?! RULING THE WORLD WITH PINEAPPLES?!

Hibari was thinking about making Mukuro, Reborn and Tsuna fight with him. Totally expected.

Tsuna was just worried about what the others were planning.

Lussuria...

...

...

...

...

...you seriously don't want to know...

*coughrapecough*

Levi was thinking about making everyone worship Xanxus.

Bel was thinking about making everyone his slaves in his kingdom. What a prince.

Squalo was probably thinking about killing off a bunch of people, or having Xanxus become the Tenth boss of Vongola so he can finally cut his f%^&ing hair.

Fran was thinking about having Bel worship him and making the prince his slave.

Xanxus was thinking about becoming the boss of Vongola and killing off Tsuna.

**"So do your best." **I raised my open hand in the air. **"Yosh! Let the Ultimate KHR Pokemon Contest," **I quickly closed my hand and pulled it down. **"BEGIN!" **

Everyone begrudgingly headed for the sections to fight with their chosen opponents. Meanwhile, I slipped into a comfy spin chair in front of a bunch of holographic monitors, Reborn settling down into a similar chair beside me. I slipped on a pair of white headphones and activated the said monitors. On display were the familiar Pokemon battle screens and the players themselves.

I handed Reborn a mug of espresso. **"Here. I'll make sure it doesn't run out." **Reborn took it and we both faced the screen.

**"Let's see the first match-up between Sasagawa and Leviathan." **The screen showing where they were enlarged, and all other screens, and the people in the other sections, were paused, so that we could observe them all one by one.

Reborn merely smirked. This was going to be entertaining.

* * *

_Trainer Ryohei sent out Hitmonchan!_

_Trainer Levi sent out Onix! _

**"Hitmonchan. Typical. Level 66. Onix. Level 30," **I commented, reading the descriptions.

"It's in Ryohei's favor," Reborn added.

**"You play Pokemon?" **

"I dabble."

_Hitmonchan used Mega Punch! _I could faintly hear Ryohei shout 'EXTREME' in the confines of the section. Good thing I lowered the volume. To like, one bar. I watched as Levi's Onix' HP bar slowly went down into the red, then emptied.

_It's super effective!_

_Onix fainted!_

_Trainer Levi sent out Pidgey! _

"..."

**"What the f^&*?"**

_Hitmonchan used Tackle! **Why the hell did he keep Tackle?,**_I thought.

_Pidgey fainted!_

_Trainer Levi sent out Magikarp!_

"...Level 5."

**"He's either never played Pokemon before and the computer hates him, or is a complete douche who has no idea how to pick Pokemon properly." **

_Hitmonchan used Tackle!_

_Magikarp fainted!_

_Trainer Levi was defeated!_

**"And it appears he's moving on."** I made a sliding motion with my hand, and Ryohei's image moved up the match-up tree, whereas Levi's picture had a big red 'X' on it, meaning he was eliminated. I paused their division and switched screens.** "Next battle, Dino and Hibari." **I resumed time in their division, and it became immediately clear that Hibari had the urge to bite Dino to death, so to speak. I could see him holding back, knowing that he'll have a better prize if he wins.

**"Battle, start!" **

* * *

_Trainer Dino sent out Rapidash! _

"...He has Pokemon based on his box weapon?"

_Trainer Hibari sent out Giratina! _

**"What the...HE PLAYS POKEMON!?"** I didn't include any legendary Pokemon for the random choice, which had Pokemon level 50 and below. It was apparently level 99, so my mind was full of f^&* at that moment.

"I guess he plays it in his spare time..."

_Giratina used Earth Power!_

_It's super effective!_

_Rapidash fainted!_

_Trainer Dino sent out Flareon! _I saw Hibari look up. _"Herbivore. Why do you have Pokemon of the same type?"_ Dino sheepishly scratched the back of his head. _"It seemed cool at first..."_

_Giratina used Earth Power!_

_It's super effective!_

_Flareon fainted! _

_"That's a foolish thing to do,"_ I heard Hibari declare while Dino just laughed awkwardly.

_Trainer Dino sent out Blissey! _

_**Finally. A change in types... **_

_Giratina used Earth Power! _A little more than half of Blissey's HP was taken away.

_Blissey used Softboiled! Blissey's HP was restored! _I saw Dino snicker, believing he still had a chance.

_Giratina used Heal Block! _

_"..."_

_"..." _

**"..." **

_"D-Damn..."_

_Blissey used Softboiled!_

_Blissey can't use Softboiled because of Giratina's Heal Block!_

_Giratina used Earth Power!_

_Blissey used Take Down!_

_The move failed!_

**"Since Giratina's a Ghost type. Honestly..."**

_Giratina used Earth Power!_

_Critical hit!_

_Blissey fainted!_

_Trainer Dino was defeated!_

**"Well. That settles that...I guess..." **I waved my hand, and Hibari's picture went up the match-up tree, leaving poor Dino with a red X on his face.

I switched screens. **"Next battle. Gokudera and Squalo." **

"Lower the volume."

**"Got it." **

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! (FEEL FREE TO COMMENT WHAT POKEMON I SHOULD USE FOR WHOM! I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!)

* * *

The men clashed, and sword clashed with sword. The collision of metal against metal filled the air of the damp cave, along with gunshots, and various other things.

"Give it up, Kyoya Sparrow," one of the men said. "You've met your match."

"I should be saying that to you, Mukuro Barbossa," the other said.

Yes.

Really.

I'm _that _messed up.

The two continued exchanging blows, until Barbossa was backed into the edge of the cliff.

"It's over now," Captain Sparrow said. Barbossa simply smiled, then held out a bottle of rum.

"Not just yet, my friend."

Kyoya narrowed his eyes. "Don't. You. Dare."

Barbossa dropped the bottle of rum over the cliff, and Kyoya jumped after it.

And that's how Barbossa could've won in the Black Pearl, if only there was a cliff, and he had hammerspace.

* * *

_"Ohhh...Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants!" _

"KEN, WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU WATCHING?!"

"N-N-Nothing..."

* * *

_AAAAAND, that's all for now! I hope you enjoyed!_

_By the way, I'm having a poll on my profile, about what story I should write next. If you want, you can read the descriptions of each of my ideas, and vote. If you want._

_Thanks for reading~!_


	6. 6th Drink - Happy Birthday, Hibari?

_Ciao, friends! I'm sorry, but the Pokemon event will be moved to the next chapter since I decided to do a birthday special for Hibari. I know, it's a little late for that, but it's because I was quite busy the past few days._

_So...a Happy Belated Birthday to Hibari Kyoya!_

_I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn~!_

_Enjoy! _

* * *

6th Drink - Happy Birthday, Hibari?

_Author's Room~_

I happily typed away at my laptop, elated that I had a good idea of what I wanted to do. However, there was one little problem.

Every once in a while, I would steal a glance at the DS lounging tauntingly on the swivel chair I acquired from an internet cafe we used to own. I felt my eye twitch.

_Stupid temptation to continue... _

I face my laptop once again, and just then did I realize the date and its significance.

May Fifth.

Hibari Kyoya's birthday.

I moved my laptop aside, and started head-desking at the fact that I only realized such a thing just then. And then I realized that I also forgot that the day before was Star Wars Day, and continued to head-desk even more vigorously.

I then decided to go downstairs, grabbed some sake, and went back upstairs.

_HOW COULD I FORGET SOMETHING AS SIGNIFICANT AS THE BIRTHDAY OF VONGOLA'S STRONGEST GUARDIAN?! _

I proceeded to drink my sorrows away.

Like that ever helps.

* * *

_Somewhere in Screwed-up Dreamland~ _

Hibari walked in the darkness warily, on the alert for anything that may jump out at him. After all, he was there for one thing, and one thing only, and considering the person concerning it, any crazy thing could happen to him.

**"I see you decided to accept my little invitation." **The darkness cracked, and Hibari could slowly make out the figure of yours truly.

"Author herbivore. What did you call me here for?" He demanded. "Aren't you supposed to finish that strange Pokemon event?"

**"I'm moving it for the next chapter. Didn't you read the author's note?"** I moved a few steps closer to him. **"As for why I've called you here, well, I wanted to do something."**

I threw some confetti in front of him. **"Happy Birthday, Hibari Kyoya!" **I declared. His eye twitched the slightest bit.

"Is that all you asked me here for? A greeting?" Hibari scowled at me.

**"Ah, heavens no. I've also got a gift for you." **The confetti slowly melted. **"I know you don't like crowds, so I decided against having a party with everyone in it. Instead, I went for what you want."**

The confetti melted into the darkness, and Hibari felt a presence behind him. The darkness was driven away. He spun around, and there stood Tsuna in Hyper Dying Will Mode, the Sky flame flickering proudly on his forehead. I could see Hibari's mouth twitch upwards in a smirk.

**"I'll let you battle Tsunayoshi here. If you want to fight the Perverted Pineapple Pedophile Prick **(*sneeze*) **and that stupid Bucking Bronco **(*sneeze*) **though, you'll have to win the Pokemon event." **A recliner appeared, and I settled down on it. **"At any rate, I've always wanted to see this, and I need this kind of violence in my bloodstream." **I raised a hand in the air, and brought it down in a swift motion.

**"Baturo, kaishi!" **I chuckled mentally at the fact that I stole little line from the Cervello.

Tsuna's gloves were lit with his Sky flames, and he lunged at Hibari, who brandished his tonfas with a smirk, his features lined with something akin to happiness.

The aimed swift jabs at each other, blocking and attacking all in a blur, not bothering to stay in one particular area. Soon it seemed like they were engaged in a beautiful yet deadly dance, their bodies twisting, moving hither and to, their footwork seamless and admirable. Any other people who would even try to follow such a dance will surely meet their end.

The two then tried to hit each other with such a great force that the clash caused them to be knocked back, away from each other. Dust was kicked up in the air, and a gust of wind blew upon the field, creating a brief tension.

They lunged at each other again, their movements becoming much more graceful and..._creative_. The air was heavily laced with blood lust and killing intent, intoxicating it and creating an atmosphere that only the truly sadistic could appreciate.

With a sharp blast of Sky flames, Tsuna flew into the air. Hibari, not wanting to let his prey get away, unleashed Roll, and brought himself in the air as well, the area above the field now filled with the propagated needles of the Cloud's box weapon. Hibari used them as footholds, and was able to continue their little ballad in the air.

At some point, Tsuna's Sky flames were starting to affect Hibari's tonfas. The one held in his left hand turned to stone, and soon crumbled into dust. No problem, Hibari's face seemed to say as he simply replicated another one with his Cloud flames. The process repeated itself as Tsuna would strike hard and Hibari's tonfas would become petrified.

As Hibari jumped back, he let go of his tonfas, and they clattered to the ground. Handcuffs appeared in his hands, and he lunged forth once again. With a quick jerk to the right, he dodged a punch from Tsuna and locked a handcuff on it, which rapidly multiplied. Tsuna narrowed his eyes, and channeled a quick blast of Sky flames to his glove to petrify and remove the cuffs. Tsuna tried for a kick, which was also dodged and subsequently cuffed. A quick blast of Sky flames, and they were destroyed. After quite a bit of this routine, Tsuna was able to kick Hibari back.

The skylark's shoes skid against the floor, and soon he ended up beside his tonfas. He picked them up, and activated his Vongola Gear, the chains hidden in his tonfas released. He spun around, and the chains extended, quickly making Tsuna within range. The brunette was hit, but not out quite yet.

Hibari once again made went into the air and continued to dance with the young Mafia boss. The chains flicked about gracefully, inexistent light glinting off of it. Tsuna unleashed his Leon di Cielo, and with a roar, the chains turned into stone and crumbled. The tonfas were able to survive, as one of the propagated spheres was able to sever the connection before the flames could pass along it. The area was now rid of the propagated needles entirely, as the Sky Lion's roar had petrified them all. Luckily, Roll was able to retreat before it could be affected as well. Tsuna and Hibari stood at opposite sides of the arena.

Hibari smirked, and his tonfas were engulfed in massive Cloud flames. Both teens disappeared in a flash. They started to clash at high speeds, all that can be seen of them sparks of purple and orange. The sparks started to get higher, and soon, streaks of Cloud and Sky flames could be seen high up, the battlers silhouettes barely noticeable. The attacks became a little slower, but much more powerful.

One great clash, and all the dust was blown away, cracks forming in the ground beneath them. Sparks were flying, wisps of their flames coloring the air. They fought just as they had in the beginning before both jumping back and lunging into the air, at each other. They brought back their weapons, and prepared to hit each other.

There was a great noise, and massive amounts of pressure waves were unleashed. The two landed on opposites sides of the field once again, all the sings of their dangerous dance clearly evident, and both looked rather worse for wear, backs to each other.

Hibari smirked, somewhat satisfied with the fight. He was about to continue, but saw that Tsuna had disappeared. He turned to me.

**"You may fight him once again if you win the Pokemon battle next chapter,"** I interrupted him before he could say anything. I smirked at him.** "Happy birthday, Hibari Kyoya." **

The skylark just murmured a little 'hn', which I took as a 'thank you', and walked away.

* * *

_During the battle, from Illusion's point of view~ _

I quickly slipped on my headphones as the battle about to start, and it automatically played just as Tsuna lunged at Hibari.

_Look, listen to my voice  
If you're making the choice  
Tell me all the girls and the boys  
Either scream or rejoice  
Let's make that noise  
Either move or we will all be destroyed  
_

_Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it  
_

_Can you hear me? Stop, look, listen to my voice,  
It was never my choice to feel all alone  
This is my home  
Back up, you don't know if you've never been here,  
You've never been to the place inside, I face my fears  
It takes everything I am  
_

___Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_  


___Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_  


_If you come near me, stop, look, listen to my voice  
If you're making the choice tell all the girls and the boys  
Either scream or rejoice  
Let's make that noise  
Either move or we will all be destroyed  
Back up and let go if you've never been here,  
You've never been to the place inside, I face my fears,  
It takes everything I am_

___So just move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_  


_____Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_

_I come crashing to the floor  
And I know there must be more like me  
I've seen this all before, I can't carry this anymore, break free  
So breath, and leave until the storm is over  
'Cause underneath, there's a diamond passing over  
So breath, let's leave until the storm is over,  
Because I want to take you away  
_

___Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_  


___Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_

___Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_

_______Move and show me what you can do  
When you step into the circle and shake like we do  
Move when you just can't take it  
And move if you just feel like breaking it_

I smiled as the movements were perfectly synchronized with the song's beat and progression. Immediately after the song stopped, I hid them away just before Hibari faced me.

I love epic battles.

* * *

_Alright, that should be it for now! Sorry if it isn't funny, but I hope you enjoyed reading the fight!_

_As for the song at the end, which I was listening to, it's called 'Move' by Thousand Foot Crutch. They're a really neat band, but if you're not a fan of rock, I guess you wouldn't agree._

_I do not own them, by the way._

_If you want to try visualizing the fight as an AMV, you can listen to the song and visualize the scenes for each paragraph._

_The quick attacking is for first stanza, the second for the great clash. Third stanza for the dodging and attacking, fourth/chorus for when Tsuna lunges himself into the sky. Fifth for when Hibari has to replace his tonfas, and at 'let go', it's when Hibari switches to handcuffs. Sixth stanza for when Hibari's fighting with the cuffs._

_At the seventh [If you come near me...], Hibari uses the chains. Moving on to the eighth, the chains and Cloud spheres are destroyed and they descend to the ground. The sparks start at ninth [I come crashing to the floor...]_

_And I guess you can figure out the rest._

_If you're actually going to listen to it, I recommend watching the AMV 'Yamamoto of the Rain'. It's used there, and is pretty epic, if I do say so myself. Again, I do not own._

_Thanks for reading, and please review!_


End file.
